The title says it all, but this is basically going to be a rant entry about how virtually impossible it is to balance family, work, school, your own goals and just life in general. I absolutely hate how I barely have time for myself without having to sacrifice time with other people. I’m constantly tired every single day, and I hate how other people seem to not have a care in the world because I always clean up their mess for them. Why can’t other people take the reins for once? School work is a major drag simply because it’s like everyone doesn’t have a clue as to what to do and I always have to come in and tell people what to do. It’s tiring. I hate feeling like everything is dependent on me and if I don’t say anything nothing moves forward. This isn’t a figment of my imagination, nor is it narcissism. I’ve been through way too many project meetings where people come in with absolutely no preparation or idea of anything, and it becomes my job to make our time worthwhile. I’ve encountered way too many people whose lives are made easier because I care too much. It’s so so so tempting to just stop what I’m doing, and leave it to others to figure it out. I am so done with everyone’s bull and I’m so done having to make sense of things for other people. I hate working harder than other people just to get the same thing as them. I really should stop. I’ll relish the day when everything crashes and burns cause that would mean I’ll finally get some time to myself. I wish I were never pegged as the hardworking smart girl, cause somehow that gives license to other people to assign me the hardest things ALL THE FRICKIN TIME. It’s like “Oh, send us the file after you’ve processed it will you?” so other people get to benefit from 80% of the work I’ve done? or “Here, you’ll take this part right? We have no idea what to do with it.” I’ve become the go-to girl for everything difficult and that makes me so so so mad. I wish I weren’t dependable. I wish I didn’t care too much about my grades. I wish people saw that I am not okay with this kind of treatment. I wish I could depend on other people. I wish. Keeping a balanced and healthy lifestyle is hard when you’re too busy doing things that give people that luxury. I haven’t been on top of my weight loss regimen. This week has been so busy and stressful that I didn’t have time to go to the gym this week. I probably gained a pound or two, which really sucks. I barely have any sleep. I don’t get to spend time with my family which sucks cause I’m too busy doing shit for school. I hate it. I hate that I don’t have time to fulfill things that I’ve always wanted to do. Like learn a new language. I hate how I’m resorting to a rant entry just so that I have something to fill up for my weekly blog entries. I hate how I don’t have enough quality time with ANYTHING I want to do.
I am so done feeling like I can’t take the reins on my own life. After this, I am going to stop making other people’s problems my own. Nobody has suggestions during the meeting? Well I won’t, either. People assign me all the difficult and hassle stuff randomly? I will openly question them why when they haven’t done as much as I did. I won’t take things sitting down any longer. I hate feeling this overwhelmed.